So, I know everyone is probably so over puns, but I thought I really had to get all my amazing (horrible) puns out into the world (though most of them you've probably already heard most, if not all, of them...).
We went to the beach on Saturday (true story) and I couldn't stand leaving without my sand shoes. So we went back to roll them in the sand...
The next day I plaited my hair and put it in a bun because the wind was blowing it in my face and it was getting annoying. I then realised I had just watched an episode of the Brady Bunch...
So does anyone else find that joke rotten, or am I just orchestrating nonsense?
One of my dad's mates was in a motorcycle accident and had his left arm and leg amputated. We heard from him the other day and he's alright now.
I met a clown at the bank on Friday and held the door open for him. My mum always told me it was a nice jester.
Show me a piano down a mine-shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
My pet cow gave up coffee and has now given birth. Now she's de-calf-enated!
My brother was deciding whether he should grow a beard. He rang his friend:
"Hey, John. I mustache you a question."
"You nose I am hair-ing you."
"No, I'll shave it for later."
The pirate alphabet consists of ten letters: Aye aye, aaaaaaaaarrrr and the seven seas.
Santa's alphabet consists of billions of letters.
If there were four men and four cigarettes in a boat but not lighter or match, how can they smoke?
Throw a cigarette overboard and they'll become a cigarette lighter.
Okay, well I really should stop, and let's hope this never becomes a performance - it'll be a play on words...